Monday, May 7, 2012

Taiwan and Thoughts on Multiple Women

Taiwan is the same as it always is, which is to say mostly me trying to get Wi-Fi during treks across the city. Easier now than it was in past times, but still something of an effort. Grandmother is not doing as well as I hoped, but age is a disease with no cure.

Trips abroad continue to be really the sole opportunity for me to have deep, relationship-altering conversations with my girlfriend. I suppose this is because we can't be lead off topic by any physical distractions. The last time I went abroad, we discussed dominant-submissive relationships, which went quite well.

This time, I broached the subject of multiple submissives. As one might expect, asking a girl her thoughts on sharing her man went not as well as one might hope, but no worse than can be expected. Had little hope, but felt like the topic had to be brought up at some point. Given recent developments, sooner rather than later, for all our sakes.

I will admit I would have like to have done it later than sooner, but sooner was requested, and there was really, little advantage to doing it later.

Now, my girlfriend is hurt and angry, and I can't blame her. Possible second is wary and unsure, which is also expected. All is not well, but the fallout was pretty much what I envisioned.

As insensitive as my girlfriend accuses me of being, I did what I felt I must, and said what I had to say.

I'm not sure what this says about the future of our relationship, but I doubt it means anything good.

I think I lack certain inhibitions about poly-relationships, in that it really doesn't register as wrong. Probably the only inhibition along these line I have is that I am rather unable (physically, even; an embarrassing story for another, less serious time) to have any sexual relationships with women with whom I am unfamiliar(read: no one night stands and flings for me). On the flip side, once I am familiar and comfortable with a woman, am in some way attracted to her, and should she request it(or not, it could just happen, really), I find myself unable to deny her any physical intimacies, as if it were a routine occurrence that needs no thought. It doesn't even register on my mental landscape as unusual and something I need to stop from happening.

I suppose social conditioning should have taught me that this is in some way wrong, but evidence shows that said conditioning really didn't take hold. Especially since I'm also involved in a style of relationship that I'm sure society totally disapproves of(that flogger isn't just for show, you know).


Will be returning to do damage control around this time next week. Hopefully, my relationships(s) are still alive and standing when I get home.

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