What I would like in my new place

Putting together a list of things I want/need in my new place. The list is quite telling.

Want: 2-3 Bedrooms, 2+ Bath
Need: 1 Bed, 1 Bath

Want: 1000+ SqFt
Need: 500 SqFt

Want: Private, country-ish location, with acres of land and a view
Need: Private, 1/2 acre

Want: FiOS and DirecTV
Need: FiOS

Want: Location between LA/OC counties, within 10 miles of home and school
Need: Location between LA/OC counties, within 10 miles of home and school

Want: <$150,000
Need: <$300,000

Want: Many hot nubile females in neighborhood
Need: No gangs in the neighborhood


Anything else, I can either get, fix, or build by myself.