Emotions

Today, my friend(lets call him Wolf) told me that I need to care more about things. Actually, his exact words were:

Wolf: "You need to care. Period." I was slightly confused.

Teko: "I do care about things. I care 'bout you guys, right?" You guys referring to the group of friends we just parted with.

Wolf: "Do you? Really?" He seemed disbelieving.


Teko: "I'm driving you home, aren't I? Not to mention I drove out to the back end of nowhere to see you guys after my 12 hour workday." I didn't mention that I hadn't had lunch or dinner, breakfast was a slice of toast and some OJ. I was starving like the guy sleeping on a park bench. I know, because I shared that bench with him before.(For the record, it is better to sleep on the bench than under it. The bench being elevated keeps you warmer; the cold ground sucks the heat out of you. Words of wisdom from the homeless.)

Wolf: "Oh."

The conversation went on, with me asking about what he thought I should care about more, but...I don't believe it to be relevant, just more idle banter to fill the space on the trip home.

As far as I know, I do care about things. I care about lots of things. I care about my friends, my family, my material possessions, etc etc. Oh, and myself, can't forget about myself.
But after a little thought, I believe I know what he meant.

I grew up in an environment where emotions are not to be expressed, lest it be taken as a sign of weakness. In its place is a policy: Actions speak louder than words.

I show that I care through my actions. Any of my friends who might ever run across this might think back on what I have done for you, then judge me again. However, they do say that good deeds are soon forgot. Those that say otherwise are probably in a habit of advertising their good deeds. I don't.

I'm not a very expressive person. Fact is, I'm one of those people who bottles up everything inside. I don't talk much, nor am I much of a hit at parties. My humor is sarcastic at best, and coldly cynical normally. And I always tend to see the darker side of things. And worst of all(apparently, as told by above friend), I'm brutally honest.

Being an inexpressive person isn't all bad. I've become very observant about my surroundings and interactions. because I'm so quiet and inexpressive, people don't really pay much attention to me. It does wonders for my social life(sarcastic), but also it allows me to think more about what's happening, who's doing what, why this or that failed, and solutions to problems that friends have.

As a result, when people have problems, I'm the last place they come to for advice. I say the last place for two reasons. One, they won't have a problem after I'm done with them. Two, they have to put up with my haranguing and insulting remarks on their intelligence and their stupidity that caused the problem in the first place(which hurts, because my remarks will be true) while I explain to them what to do.

Should I be more expressive and diplomatic in my attitude? Most people will answer "Yes."

Those that answer "No" have come to the same conclusion that I have: Diplomacy can never get the point across that someone is being an idiot like a slap to the head will.

I'll probably die friendless and alone in a house full of cats, but somehow, I think I'll be fine with that.


Like House, MD. said once, Wednesday is hooker night.