Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Whiskey

(warning: advertisement post)
The solution to all of life's medical problems.

Whiskey, 'cause if it can't cure it, it can sure make you feel better about it.

For as long as I can remember, every time I came down with some sort of sickness, I'd be given a shot of whiskey, gargle half, swallow half. Whatever it was, I've never been bed ridden longer than a day. I've tried Tylenol and Advil and God knows what else, but whiskey has been the most consistent and best working cure for me. You can use it for damn near anything. No rubbing alcohol? No problem. Feeling cold? Have a swig. Sore throat? Whiskey can help!

Why, just yesterday, I had some kinda cold/flu type deal. Fever, aches, stiff muscles and joints. Two shots and 15 hours later, I'm feeling like I usually do.

Hell, if I caught the swine flu, I'd know the first thing I'd turn to, and it ain't that Tamil-flu shit. That shit is for suckers. Ain't nothing resistant to good old-fashioned Jack Daniels.

You can use Whiskey for more that your everyday medical needs.

Every time I'm out in the woods backpacking, I always have a flask of good old Uncle Jack in my side pocket. Bear repellent, dontcha know.

You can use it to start fires and strip paint, and you can even use it as a sexual aid! Few things can get a girl into bed faster than "drunk." (Whether or not you're in that bed is not guaranteed.) For the ladies out there, if you're tired of a man pestering you, well, few things can stop a man in his tracks like "passed out." (Whether or not he passed out in a toilet stall of the ladies bathroom with Sharpie marker on his pale hairy behind is up to you.) If that isn't a good reason to go out and get a bottle, I don't know what is.

And above(below) all, good whiskey is goddamn tasty!

6 comments:

David said...

well i say if your got a flem problem then 151 and your golden that burn in your throat from 151 makes the flem just melt away and makes you sleep better

Pete said...

I keep the same bottle in my desk drawer for the same problems.

Teko said...

Yeah, but they don't sell the 1.5 liter of 151 at Costco.

TqM said...

Question: Does it matter what kind of whisk(e)y?


because that tennessee whiskey crap is no scotch whisky

michaelmhuynh said...

It's either a .75 or 1.75 liter.

And what's the difference between using whiskey and another liquor?

Teko said...

@TQM: Well, the stuff from Tennessee tends to be cheaper, so for the multipurpose stuff, I'd go with the Jack. I have a couple bottles of Glenfiddich sitting in my bar.

@Mike: Whatever the liquor, go with something with a high alcohol content(at least 40%), because we're going for concentration, not volume. For our purposes, 1 can beer does not equal 1 shot whiskey. And yes, 1 shot is more than enough, 2 is pushing it. Alcohol does weaken the immune system and dehydrate you. What the single shot does is weaken the immune system slightly, but weakens the infection/sickness so much more. Like rubbing alcohol applied to the throat.

Ever heard of a hot toddy? That used to be the common cure back in the day.